OK, I have been away for a bit. It may seem like I have been lazy, but really I haven’t. Stop laughing. No seriously this is getting uncomfortable.
So I have been doing a lot of things while I was out. Losing jobs, finding jobs, losing them again and finding new ones. Getting sick. Getting sort of better (well enough to write this blog anyway). Losing cats, finding cats (don’t ask). Losing dogs (that one left a mark). Finishing my thesis… no really I finished my thesis while I was away from the blog… What do mean? YES, I am serious. My thesis is complete. It has shuffled off its mortal coil and join the choir invisible. It has ceased to be! This is an EX Thesis!
Well, maybe that last part is an overstatement, but my thesis is as complete as it is likely to get with respect to my Master’s program. I’ve got proof! I will share the Epilogue of my thesis with you here. For those of you who don’t know, the epilogue comes at the end. I am showing this to you as proof that I got there. Anyone interested in reading the Thesis in its entirety should seek medical help help immediately. If the penicillin doesn’t eliminate your burning itch please send me a SASE with about twenty dollars worth of postage on it and I’ll mail it to you.
I think a Winnie the Pooh fan fiction as epilogue is technically more than a little out of the ordinary for a thesis, but my graduate work has always been a little out of the ordinary anyway. So here it is-
The steady tattoo of the typewriter filled the room, already cramped with shelves of books and boyish toys that the author had been unable or unwilling to part with. The desk, built for a boy of middle-school age, looked more than a little ridiculous with the hunched over man, fully grown, pecking away at a typewriter that no longer fit his overgrown hands as manic chuckles echoed over his shoulder in rhythm with the typewriter. Christopher Robin sat at his desk, papers and books piled so precariously as to worry poor Piglet who sat on a very high shelf for such a small and fearful little creature.
Over the past years the desk must have shrunk thought Pooh. He pondered whether Christopher Robin would ever return to the Hundred Acre Wood to count stars or chase lost donkey tails again. Pooh was certain that the young boy, who seemed much taller and wider now, must be working on some critically important treatise. Pooh did not know what a treatise was but he had heard Owl refer to the term once. Based on the number of typewritten pages that lay dog-eared on Christopher Robin’s desk Pooh assumed that it must mean a very important book that a simple bear would not understand.
Pooh missed his friend desperately, but he would not disturb Christopher Robin at his work for fear of making their time apart even longer. Once, many moons before, Christopher Robin had lashed out at the entire Hundred Acre Wood gang. Their voices calling to him out of sincere concern for his health. He had not eaten for days while he sat at his too-small desk and he now had facial hair that might make any bear proud. Christopher Robin didn’t care about their concerns. He shouted something about a La Kahn that was making him crazy as he sneezed, made a sound like ‘Zizek’ and then banged his head on the desk.
There was still a coffee stain on the rug where Christopher Robin’s mug had crashed in the storm of very bad words that followed. Pooh didn’t actually know any bad words but he assumed these were very bad because they made the veins in Christopher Robin’s head and neck stick out. After a long time sobbing at his typewriter Christopher Robin begged the Hundred Acre Wood gang to leave him alone for just a little while longer and he would again be able to walk in the woods and play with them.
“But for chrissake leave me alone for a spell so I can finish this Fah King Thesis!” These were the last words Pooh had heard him say that long ago day. Pooh felt a little better about the whole affair now that he learned that Christopher Robin was writing something in Chinese.
Rabbit, looking over Christopher Robin’s shoulder because he shared none of Pooh’s concerns about interrupting, says, “Yes, Yes! This is exactly the kick in the pants that the acadeemix establishment needs.”
Christopher Robin, for his part slightly exasperated at the interruption, set his glasses on the desk avoiding the tea cup rings and crumbs of old sandwiches. “Rabbit, I don’t think…”
“Of course not,” says Rabbit. “And why would you? But mark my words Christopher Robin, these acadeemix need a paring down. Someone needs to put a stop to them. They’re eating all my carrots!”